Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas Snapshots

This is what our friends and relatives will see on our Christmas cards. They won't see that my son is cranky, my daughter is just barely tolerating this portrait, and my husband regrets asking for a last minute Christmas photo card at 11pm. They'll never guess that it was taken seconds before I yelled at my family for being so difficult while I try to preserve the love in a photo.


The reject pictures on my computer tell the tale: sullen faces, half-closed sleep walker eyes, "you're digging your elbow into me!", rolled eyes, lots of "eyes," etc.

I had a Malcolm in the Middle moment. Then I went to sleep regretting getting angry with everyone. My mom never yelled and I don't think she had expectations that we spend quality time together. She also didn't seem to take our bad attitudes to heart. I don't want to be a dissappointed mother, not even for a second. But, I just can't seem to reach the kind of patient character I want to possess. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around shrieking and throwing things. I also don't wear a continuous bitter, injured air. But I'm not unflappable.

Losing her at a young age, I think I place more importance on making the most of each day we have together. It's a natural response to loss. I NEED to have a happy Christmas with my children. I have great memories from my childhood to pass down. But, the reality is, they aren't always so motivated. And that's a natural response to having not lost. So, I yelled. Which is a natural response to rude children, and I'm sure it's all a very natural Christmas bummer.

Is this photo how my family sees me? A slightly warped version of what God made me to be? Bent with sin, selfishness, and hurt?

Is this how God sees us? Not horrible, but also not who we should be?

I don't think so. We've all accepted His gift of His son. And He is still working in us. When he sees us (thank you, Father) it is in view of redemption and potential.

Very clear
very forgiven
very hopeful
and very beautiful.


I do love this family.

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