Friday, October 15, 2010

What I Learned from My Daughter

Look at my face in this picture (I'm on the left.)  That is the expression of someone feeling very blessed to know her own child.
(Watchman Trail, Zion Park, Utah)

Aside from looking alike- and everyone tells us we look alike, except that she's taller, to which she sighs, we have a lot in common too:  our tastes, sense of humor, sentimentality, etc.   Maybe I taught her a lot of that, but we both know where the similarities end (yes, they do end.)  For one thing, she is much more confident than I was at her age.

When she was born, my greatest desire was to make sure she knew her creator and knew that she was valuable and loved.   I was only 21 and those were the things I needed then.

I didn't want my little girl to pick up on my weak confidence and feel the same way by conditioning, so I forced myself  to be more sociable.  I took more chances, spoke up in a group, and volunteered my abilities.  I (who could happily die a hermit in the woods) became less painfully shy, so that she would see a healthy woman with healthy relationships.

I didn't want her to doubt God's love for her, so I couldn't doubt His love for me.   I spoke of it and treated myself like someone worthy of love.  In other words I "faked it 'til I make(d) it."  And I remember one day I was literally sweating over meeting some people because I felt so shy but was determined to be friendly and talk to other people when I really just wanted to evaporate and fade into the walls.



(365 Day 279)


It's amazing what mercy for another can do to overcome our fears.    Like with Beth in Little Women, who suddenly found strength to rush and hug stern old Mr. Lawrence next door because she realized he missed his own grand-daughter,  mercy has worked this way repeatedly in mine and my children's lives.  It has given us boldness to speak out for another's sake at times.  Other days, it lends forgiveness or humility.

One day, when she was 3 or 4, I realized that I really... truly... believed... deep down... that I was worthy of love and precious to God.  A few uncomfortable years and BAM! It was done.  That's what my daughter taught me.

4 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this post so much. What a blessing! You were giving a gift and in the end, you received it yourself. Brave, mom! Two for one. :)

    I hate social situations. Dread them. Loathe them. I do have to force myself to connect, but usually I'm quite glad I did. Then there are those other times...

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  2. I'm glad you enjoyed it Louisiana Belle. I did receive! I think that was the fastest growth I ever experienced, but I never would've done it for myself.

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  3. what a lovely post. I am painfully shy and luckily my 19 year old daughter isn't and is bubbling with confidence. It sounds like your daughter is a very lovely and lucky girl.

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  4. Beautiful post. I am sure you both can learn tons from each other.

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