Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Coldest Day

Today started with a migraine, a mad rush around the mess my daughter left in my bathroom to get ready, tripping over stuff my son was supposed to put away, catching a glimpse of the wreck that was a  "finally clean home" 24 hours ago, and I realized I was 15 minutes late.  I also remembered the 365 I forgot to do last night after our taxes, when my husband and I argued.   I wanted to cry.  

There are all those burdens in life that we have to take care of while somehow functioning like everyone else.  Truly weighty things like loss, a secret sorrow, poor health or all of the above and we have to maintain those areas like tidy, little bundles we carry.  We take them with us in the car,  up and down grocery aisles, to the carpool lane, to our jobs, etc.  I try to keep them neatly stacked and not complain.  Most people do.  But some days all we need is one more silly, featherweight problem (like a migraine) to make the little pillar of bundles unbearable and everything collapses to the floor.  Well, mine fell.   

I was really angry- something I used to deal with a lot, and I was tearing up.  I lost my temper in the car (there's nothing like a Sunday School teacher with road rage), said silly, ungrateful things about my life, whined to my poor grandmother who happened to call at that moment, and felt all around plagued.  Poor me.

(coldest day 35)

This is where I could insert a verse about peace... rest... and all those warm, fuzzy Christian-y things we tell ourselves when things are going pretty well, but hate to hear from other people when things aren't.
I know those verses are all true for long term comfort, and sometimes the short term, and that I'll live through this day.

But it doesn't resonate with me because today, right now, I have so much to do, I ache, my heart is sore, I'm a giant baby, and it hurts my head to think "big."  

 (my Flickr)

So I'll try this one from my Isaiah study, chapters 40 and 41:

"He will gather the lambs with His arm,
and carry them in His bosom,
and gently lead those who are with young.

 (that's me)

But those who wait on the Lord
shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not grow weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

(Even though I have to wait for this strength, for now He says...)

"I, the Lord, will hold your right hand." Isaiah 41:10



Okay, I'm counting on you.

2 comments:

  1. He will be there for you Michelle, even when it seems like He's not. So sorry that you are carrying a burden...hopefully that's not plural. And a migraine on top of it all is just awful. I was feeling this same way the other day minus the migraine, and one kind word and a reassuring smile from someone was all it took to let a little light into the darkness. I love the way you express your feelings so well on your blog. Hang in there; it will get better. Brighter days are ahead!

    Two more verses I wanted to add:

    "I lift up my eyes to the mountains--where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
    He will not let your foot slip--He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." (Psalm 121:1-4)

    "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength'" (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)

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  2. Thank you, Gail. Maybe I was just hormonal (ha) but like I said, some days we just feel a little too weak to deal with all the usual junk of life. I knew I'd feel better eventually, but knowing He walks with me through the crummy days sure helps.
    I appreciate you taking the time to post some verses of comfort! That last one (Is 30:15) went through my head several times yesterday- before I even read this. I think someone's trying to tell me something... hopefully, it's not to quit blogging and be quiet :)

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