Today started with a migraine, a mad rush around the mess my daughter left in my bathroom to get ready, tripping over stuff my son was supposed to put away, catching a glimpse of the wreck that was a "finally clean home" 24 hours ago, and I realized I was 15 minutes late. I also remembered the 365 I forgot to do last night after our taxes, when my husband and I argued. I wanted to cry.
There are all those burdens in life that we have to take care of while somehow functioning like everyone else. Truly weighty things like loss, a secret sorrow, poor health or all of the above and we have to maintain those areas like tidy, little bundles we carry. We take them with us in the car, up and down grocery aisles, to the carpool lane, to our jobs, etc. I try to keep them neatly stacked and not complain. Most people do. But some days all we need is one more silly, featherweight problem (like a migraine) to make the little pillar of bundles unbearable and everything collapses to the floor. Well, mine fell.
I was really angry- something I used to deal with a lot, and I was tearing up. I lost my temper in the car (there's nothing like a Sunday School teacher with road rage), said silly, ungrateful things about my life, whined to my poor grandmother who happened to call at that moment, and felt all around plagued. Poor me.
(coldest day 35)
This is where I could insert a verse about peace... rest... and all those warm, fuzzy Christian-y things we tell ourselves when things are going pretty well, but hate to hear from other people when things aren't.
I know those verses are all true for long term comfort, and sometimes the short term, and that I'll live through this day.
But it doesn't resonate with me because today, right now, I have so much to do, I ache, my heart is sore, I'm a giant baby, and it hurts my head to think "big."
So I'll try this one from my Isaiah study, chapters 40 and 41:
"He will gather the lambs with His arm,
and carry them in His bosom,
and gently lead those who are with young.
But those who wait on the Lord
shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not grow weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
(Even though I have to wait for this strength, for now He says...)
"I, the Lord, will hold your right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Okay, I'm counting on you.